Experiencing mental health problems, or frank mental illness, is something most of us find hard to talk about but it is quite common. You might not fully understand what a mental illness is and how to react; because of this you could feel scared or worried when faced with similar.
Mental illness symptoms can be extreme, shocking and upsetting and because of this you might find it easier to try to ignore the situation and the person.
The words 'mental illness' can create a lot of images or ideas in our minds. You need to remember, just as people's bodies can become unwell, so can people's minds - we can see if someone has broken their arm, but we can't always see if someone has a mental illness.
The words 'mental illness' can create a lot of images or ideas in our minds. You need to remember, just as people's bodies can become unwell, so can people's minds - we can see if someone has broken their arm, but we can't always see if someone has a mental illness.
Find out more about mental illness & you'll realise it's not as frightening as you first thought.
There are many ways in which you could help someone you think has a mental illness:
Listen and try to understand
Don't expect folk to just snap out of it
Don't criticise or make fun
Try to get folk to talk about how they feel
Give time - be patient
Encourage getting help - make suggestions
There are some quite serious mental illnesses such as self-harm, eating disorders or schizophrenia. Meeting someone who may have one of these problems, you may feel shocked, guilty, angry, or hostile, but it can also be hard to know how to help them.
To start, encourage folk to talk with someone they trust - maybe yourself. Keep an open mind and don't judge the person, take time to listen and to help them find a way of managing their problems. Offer to go with them to tell someone or offer to tell someone on their behalf. Carry on ordinary activities, have a cup of tea, a game of pool, a short and chat, but don't be offended if they don't want to handle any problem or difficulty the way you suggest.
Tips For Helpers
Just because someone has been diagnosed with a mental illness at some time in the past doesn't mean s/he needs any help or special consideration from you or from anyone else, of course. But here are some tips in case you are a paid or volunteer helper (or family member) in a situation where there are consumers who clearly do need your help:
1. Be helpful, but in a matter-of-fact way. Don't show compassion to a consumer unless asked.
2. Be positive, but be careful not to talk down to consumers. Most consumers will not protest if you talk ‘baby talk’ to them, but this perceived lack of respect is likely to generate resentment...
Don't 'Baby Talk' People:
“I just hate it! I worked for seven years to get a doctorate. I occasionally attend an activity in one of the local "support groups" and, when I do, in one second I'm reduced to the level of a toddler. How? With baby talk. Actually, only a few of the staff members at the support groups talk baby talk to us. But, I am telling you, it only takes one! And they never talk baby talk to each other. Since they only baby-talk to non-staff members (outpatients, they call us), there must be a respect difference there somewhere. I divide baby-talking staff (at all the groups I've attended) into one of four categories:
A. Those who sincerely want us to know how deeply they care... so try to talk nicely and in a kind way to us, which is fine. But, and I don't think they know it, they're overdoing it. I believe this is by far the biggest category.
B. Those who, deep inside, are afraid of us, which is not fine. So they talk very sweetly because they are overcompensating. In lay terms, the baby talk is an unconscious cover-up.
C. Those who are so tired and burnt out they can't handle any of us needing them to repeat themselves even once. They speak slowly and distinctly, as to a learning disabled person.
D. Those trained back in the dark ages of psychology to speak to us as if we were children and just cannot seem to break the habit.
Sometimes a staff member carefully tries to stop baby-talking, only to end up sounding gruff and rude. If you have trouble deciding exactly how to treat me, please pretend I am Germaine Greer. I want to be treated exactly the way she is usually treated. Since in this country we're all equal, I deserve to be treated exactly the way Dr Germaine Greer is usually treated.”
3. Drop the labels. Words like 'disturbed'. 'crazy', or even 'schizophrenic' have no place in a situation where you are trying to help. Rather than using labels, speak of what the person actually did or did not do but, of course, only if it happens to be your business.
4.When Someone Constantly Interrupts: it can be extremely frustrating. Try these steps:
A. Sit together and define 'interruption' and 'interjection'. Sometimes it's necessary to interject while somebody else is talking. To cut somebody off any other time is interrupting and rude. In a calm moment (not in the middle of discussion about something else), make sure everybody agrees on when it's necessary to interject. Consider all other 'butting in' to be interruption.
To get you started, the following things are usually considered necessary interjections:
a. emergency situations. ('Stop! That cigarette butt is burning your shirt!')
b. quick comments on what’s going on around.
c. quick greetings to passersby.
d. a quick 'Me too'.
e. clarifications. If you do not understand what your conversational partner is talking about, it's really important to stop him or her and ask right away. If you pretend to understand, you will have to do it forever, and, over time, it gets more likely that your deception will be found out.
f. corrections. If you ask one question and your conversational partner starts answering a different question, it's fair for you to save time by politely stopping him or her and re-asking the question.
a. emergency situations. ('Stop! That cigarette butt is burning your shirt!')
b. quick comments on what’s going on around.
c. quick greetings to passersby.
d. a quick 'Me too'.
e. clarifications. If you do not understand what your conversational partner is talking about, it's really important to stop him or her and ask right away. If you pretend to understand, you will have to do it forever, and, over time, it gets more likely that your deception will be found out.
f. corrections. If you ask one question and your conversational partner starts answering a different question, it's fair for you to save time by politely stopping him or her and re-asking the question.
B. During conversations, admit your own interruptions, with a quick 'Oops!' or 'Sorry!' On the other hand, defend your interjections - gently.
C. When you are interrupted, gently say 'Wait!' or 'I'm not finished.' On the other hand, be very careful to reward necessary interjections with 'I'm glad you told me that' or at least with a smile.
D. You will know things are getting better when you and the ones you care for start getting into lively 'interjection vs. interruption' discussions. Your loved ones' willingness to debate this with you shows they care at least a little whether they interrupt or not. If you continue to be a good sport who easily agrees on what fits into which category, pretty soon they should start correcting themselves when they stray into the interruption category.
5. There's a story going around attributed to Leo Tolstoy: he encountered a beggar one day & said 'Brother, I'm sorry, but I have no money - nothing to give you'. The beggar cried 'Thank you, sir! You have just given me a gift far more precious than money. You have called me brother'. Why not give that gift to people, to anybody you might run run into? Or use a few minutes of your time to listen to their problems, even though you may not actually be able to solve them.
6. Show your care and concern to people; if you see anyone who looks upset, unkempt or otherwise needy, don't avoid eye contact or rush on by. Just a simple, direct, smiling gaze, and a 'hello' if that's your style, can make all the difference between acceptance and rejection.
7. Stand up for people, for service users: give your friends their freedom, but when they make cruel 'nutter' jokes in your presence, make it clear how you feel about that. Stick with jokes that make fun of the labels, not the people, or that make fun of yourself, not others.
NB: “We bipolars think and feel just the same as you do. Our minds are not weird or scary. Being manic is not about thinking and feeling differently; it’s about thinking and feeling for too long. When we are manic, we are unable to let go of our anger or worries as quickly as you can. When manic, we may be unable to drift off to sleep or to stay asleep all night. Our frightened — not frightening — thoughts repeat themselves over and over in our minds, and all we can do about it is take mood stabilizers and wait.
Please do not fear us. We are much more frightened than you are. We feel angry, but our anger, like our depressive hopelessness, is based on fear. Knock down our loud, self-righteous defenses and — surprise! — you will find insecure children hiding behind them. Knock down our grandiose protestations and you will discover people who feel that we are worthless and, as a result, desperately need respect.
True respect sees our fears without denigrating them. True respect sees our illness without pitying us. True respect does not depend on whether its object has a Ph.D. or has bipolar disorder, is a corporate owner or a ditch-digger, is rich or poor. All human beings deserve an equal measure of respect”.
8. At all times, try to ‘be with’ folk experiencing symptoms… give them time, consideration, an adult approach, concentration, and open communication… ask questions and clarifications. Ask for their opinions and ideas. Listen to their experience (and leave the comments and judgements elsewhere!). Emphasise the ‘now’. Seek to collaborate and empower: people in human crisis appear to need someone to 'be with' them, offering unconditional support, providing a human medium within which they can grow through, and maybe out of, their problems, difficulties, and ultimately their distress.
